


Tremendous Energy

by RebaK1tten



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Bad Spencer, Evil Spencer, Gen, Serial Killers, animal death (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-27
Updated: 2013-04-27
Packaged: 2017-12-09 14:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/775322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebaK1tten/pseuds/RebaK1tten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From a prompt on Comment Fic on LJ:  "Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." (Albert Camus)</p>
<p>And I like writing Bad Spencer and he's bad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tremendous Energy

Some days, it’s so fucking hard.  It’s exhausting trying to be the person everyone else expects you to be.  Spencer made it to the FBI hiding in his own skin, keeping his true self hidden from some very perceptive coworkers. 

As a child he was very careful to be sure no one noticed the fires.  There was a lot of development around Las Vegas in the early 90s and a few fires around demolished buildings weren’t really noticed.  And of course, just watching the buildings being imploded for new construction was in itself exciting. 

He had tried killing a few animals, but it wasn’t really that interesting.  He already knew everything about how human bodies worked and animals seemed a step back; they couldn’t teach him anything he didn’t already know.  He stopped after the neighbor’s cat (who had bit him and deserved it) and the stray dog that came with him for a half-sandwich.  Other than the satisfaction for the evil cat, their little whimpers didn’t hold his interest.  It wasn’t the same as the screaming he’d grown to love from the slasher movies that he watched by himself in his room. 

At school, he made himself study chemistry and physics, things that wouldn’t attract the wrong kind of attention.  Of course, he also had to study biology and other human sciences to be well rounded.  That was expected.  And when he announced that he wanted to join the FBI, his advisors suggested classes he should take, giving him free rein to investigate abnormal psychology and the killers the FBI chased.

Jason Gideon wanted him so desperately that he was easy to manipulate, at least at the beginning.  He saw what he wanted to see and overlooked some of Spencer’s earlier tells.  Spencer watched his reactions, those of the other team members and the local police departments they met and adjusted his responses accordingly. There’s an acceptable level of curiosity about a body, and because he’s who he is, he’s allowed (even expected) to go beyond that, but he learns to control his interest to keep suspicions down. 

Those first couple of years were heavenly, leaning more about killers and bodies than he thought possible.  And always watching what Gideon and what others notice, making adjustments to appear as ‘normal’ as possible. 

When he takes the paper files he can study the pictures and the autopsy reports as much as he wants, even though he’s memorized them at the first read-through.  Alone in his apartment or in a hotel room, pictures spread out around him, he re-reads the coroner’s dry rendition of a stranger’s death, picturing it all in his head and thinking how the killer must have felt being completely in control and able to do whatever he wants to the things he captured.

Occasionally he can find something to satisfy his urges, something that won’t be missed.  It’s true; the homeless and prostitutes are the favorite victims of serial killers.  One thing the job taught him is how to hide a body and how to cover his tracks.  No set age, sex or race.  No set way to kill and no consistent place or way to leave the body.  Pay cash unless you want a record for an alibi.  He didn’t kill too often, because these are all things that raise suspicions.  He’s learned well, the BAU gives him his doctorate in killing without being caught.

He did stop for a while after the incident with Hankel. That entire episode was repellant and it threw him for quite some time.  Hankel clearly hadn’t enjoyed what he was doing; not any of the personalities had.  Afterwards, Spencer told himself he could take the drugs and stop at any time, but that was a lie.  Prentiss was new on the team, seeing too much and asking way too many questions. Even when he’d stopped using, things didn’t feel the same.  Too many eyes on him and nothing in life as enjoyable as it used to be.  Then Frank Breitkopf comes back and even though they ultimately lose Frank, Spencer remembers how good it can be.  How very, very good it is. 

But of course after that, Gideon is a wreck, a worthless shell.  Spencer thinks Gideon may have had some concerns before the whole Frank fiasco, he’s not certain; it was always hard to tell with him.  Spencer noticed Gideon was a bit more distant and maybe watching him a little closer before Frank.  It could have been left over from the drug problem, but…it’s not the kind of thing you want to let fester. 

It’s not so hard, taking care of the Gideon problem.  He almost made it too easy, just not showing up, having another “depressive episode” or whatever it would have turned into.  At any rate, good old Gids had written his good-bye letter and all Spencer had to do was finish the job and take him into the woods to bury him.  Getting rid of his car was probably the most annoying thing, but again, doable and worth it.  He’d done it before and would certainly do it again.  After that, it was one of his finer acting jobs -- he should have been nominated for some type of award, poor Spencer, so broken hearted. 

When Rossi started on the team, Spencer was definitely awe-struck, that wasn’t an act.  How could he not be?  Dave had interviewed more serial killers than anyone else.  He sat in a room talking with Ted Fucking Bundy!  Dave had personally studied more bodies than Spencer could ever hope to.  Of course, eventually he got over his awe and worked hard to make Dave trust and even like him. 

It’s been a few years now and things have been going well.   Dave’s a regular part of the team, and they’re all working together like the proverbial well-oiled machine.  But lately, Spencer thinks Dave is watching him.  Not like Hotch does, his concerned supervisor.  But like Gideon did, watching things he does and says.  Maybe he’s paranoid, but just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.  Spencer really likes Dave and doesn’t want anything to happen to him, but just in case he occasionally mentions how much Rossi likes scotch.  And of course Rossi’s a bit older, the oldest on the team.   And Spencer mentions he’s concerned Dave is still a little down about his first wife’s death; not really depressed, just a little down.  Drinking, older, depressed – it would be a shame if something happens to him.


End file.
